This question was asked on our subreddit:

“Tallahassee, FL USA

Hello lawyers, how do you think this divorce will go down with my mom?

My mom is elderly, she has a divorce attorney and is trying to leave a 20 year marriage because her husband is physically abusive and has developed dementia. The emotional control has been going on for much longer. I knew he yelled a lot and figured it was a cultural thing, but sometimes he would post disrespectful stuff on his Facebook like screenshots from adult content.

She is 75, recently left her job (and left a retirement match on the table) to be his caretaker before the violence and stalking made her decide to leave. She has little money saved but was the primary breadwinner with a 35k per year job with the state. He worked part time until health made him quit carpentry work a couple years ago.

Over this marriage he spent a lot on unecessary luxuries: he got a giant boat, multiple trucks, storage trailers, and hoarded power tools all over the house and in a shed. No longer has the boat just several vehicles and a shed and backyard full of tools. The house is hoarded with his stuff.

She has a restraining order and exclusive use of the house through November. They are both on the deed. He is staying with his sons in another state – his sons are wealthy and have access to lawyers but they haven’t gotten him a divorce attorney in three months. That is a red flag to me. One had a lawyer assist when the husband was first Baker acted a couple months ago for grabbing her. Haven’t heard from them in a while.

Mom’s been told by her lawyer that she may lose half the house, half her retirement and mom thought social security as well. She barely has enough to pay the bills as is, and she was the one with steady work that kept things afloat.

What are her odds that she will be homeless or destitute after this? She tried to be a traditional wife and put up with bad behavior over the years. I think waiting until she left her job made this so much worse.

She has always been a “not of the world” Christian conspiracy theorist type and now I think she is struggling because everything is new and scary for her – she is basically starting over with no idea how this divorce will go, just the fear he will hurt her if he comes back to the home.

They only owe about 35k on the mortgage and I imagine she would be able to continue living there if the courts decide she can keep it but not if she has to buy him out on half its value. She would have nowhere to go – he is living with family in Utah and last I heard they are trying to place him in long term care.

He “bought” her a new car with his military pension from Chile last year. I have since learned he put a little money down and stuck her in more debt and she has a $500 new car monthly payment on a new Toyota she did not need.

The icing on this poop cake is she was responsible for helping her husband and his adult children get U.S. citizenship. They are here because she is nice.

So how is this going to unfold do you think? Just need to prepare myself emotionally if I need to help my mom out. I’m sorry if this is judgmental or preachy I am just quietly enraged that she let this go on for so long and did not protect her interests .”